The First Stage: Denial

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Denial is the initial response of many pet owners when confronted with a pet's

terminal condition or sudden death. This rejection seems to be the mind's buffer

against a sharp emotional blow.

 

The Second Stage: Bargaining 

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This stage is well documented in the human grieving process. Many times, faced

with impending death, an individual may "bargain" -offering some sacrifice if

the loved one is spared. People losing a pet are less likely to bargain. Still, the

hope that a pet might recover can foster reactions like, "If Rover recovers, I'll

never skip his regular walk . . . never put him in a kennel when I go on

vacation, . . . never . . . "

 

The Third Stage: Anger

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Recognizing anger in the grief process is seldom a problem; dealing with anger

often is. Anger can be obvious, as in hostility or aggression. On the other hand,

anger often turns inward, emerging as guilt. Many veterinarians have heard the

classic anger response, "What happened? I thought you had everything under

control and now you've killed my dog!" Another standard: "You never really

cared about Rover. He was just another fee to you, and I'm the one who has

lost my pet!"

 

Such outbursts help relieve immediate, frustrations, though often at the expense

of someone else. More commonly, pet owners dwell on the past. The number of

"If only . . ." regrets is endless: "If only I hadn't left the dog at my sister's

house . . .". "If only I had taken Kitty to the veterinarian a week ago . . .".

Whether true or false, such recriminations and fears do little to relieve anger

and are not constructive. Here, your veterinarian's support is particularly

helpful.

 

The Fourth Stage: Grief

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This is the stage of true sadness. The pet is gone, along with the guilt and

anger, and only an emptiness remains. It is now that the support of family and

friends is most important-and, sadly, most difficult to find. A lack of support

prolongs the grief stage. Therefore, the pet owner may want to seek some help

from their veterinarian, pet cemeterian, or from a professional counselor.

 

It is normal, and should be acceptable, to display grief when a companion

animal dies. It is helpful, too, to recognize that other pet owners have

experienced similar strong feelings, and that you are not alone in this feeling of

grief.